qarrtsiluni

Tell me.

Which part?

All of it. Any of it. Just—something vivid.

–

I was walking.

Yes?

And there were two deer.

Whitetails?

Yes, whitetails, flashing alarm. They heard the dog. I didn’t tell him; he was looking for a good stick, something nice to throw. The deer flipped their tails and danced away. I could see reflections of yellow beech leaves in the eye of one of them, turned toward me: she was that close.

–

Tell me another.

I don’t know what to tell you.

Please.

–

Bobwhites.

What?

Six or seven of them, exploding from the underbrush with wing-beats so loud I ducked. The dog ran so fast he ran right out of the orange t-shirt I put on him to differentiate him from bear.

Bear?

It’s bear season. They’re shooting bears.

Oh.

He treed them.

The bears?

The bobwhites. They were furious.

I bet he was proud.

Very proud.

–

You’re going to leave, aren’t you.

Yes.

Soon?

Probably. There isn’t much left.

There is. There could be—

Shhhhh.

–

One more. Tell me one more.

–

Once I walked into the woods and there was only one way: further in. I walked and walked, and I was fierce and beautiful and brave and resourceful and I had many adventures, but I was getting tired. Very tired. I couldn’t walk any more, finally; I couldn’t be fierce and beautiful and resourceful and brave any more. Also? I was bored with myself. With all of it. I dug a fire-pit, lined it with stones. I gathered wood, and made a fire. I was so hungry, but I had nothing to eat and I was too tired to do anything else, so I sat by the fire and watched the flames. I figured I’d probably die of starvation eventually, but really, the flames felt good and I couldn’t think what else to do. A stag came out of the forest, walked right up to the edge of the fire across from me. We looked at each other for a long time, and I thought: how beautiful. After a while, he lay down across the fire and split himself open, his blood steaming in the coals. I ate his flesh, and was restored.

That didn’t happen.

No?

No.

–

–

I saw a peregrine eat a bat today.

Yeah?

–

–

You’re going, aren’t you.

I’m going.

–

I have an idea.

Yeah?

When I go, just look away.

–

Okay.

–

–

Now? Should I look away now?

by Jessamyn Smyth

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